Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
