I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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