Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
