I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
