I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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