i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
