can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
