Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
