that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
