Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
