i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
