I want to have your abortion
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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