I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
