one two three fourrrrnication!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
