If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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