i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
