you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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