I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Terrible idea I love it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
