i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
