Pregnant stripper...not hot.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
