I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
