I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
