sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
