I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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