Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
