Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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