you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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