Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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