The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
