I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
