youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't motorboat a personality
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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