So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
