How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
