I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
