while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
