It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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