"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
