Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
