he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's always time for handjobs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
