If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
