I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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