plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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