I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
