my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
