I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
