i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
