Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
