so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
