woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
