EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
