Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Panties = found
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
