Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
