woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
