Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
