I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
